Vanessa

This week marks the 24th birthday of Vanessa Ann Bentley. Vans is one of my very best friends in the whole wide world. As most people know, 18 months ago, Vans passed away in a car accident on her mission. Vanessa has been on my mind constantly for the past few weeks. Lets be honest, she has been on my mind constantly for the last 18 months, but these past few weeks it has been even more than normal. I have been thinking lots about her birthday and how I can't let it be a sad day for me. It would be easy to grieve and focus on how much I miss her and how I wish she was here with me. It would be easy to think about all the things I want to do with her and how much I want to talk to her. Instead I have made the decision that on her birthday, I will only celebrate her life and the 4 years that she was in my life here on earth and these last 18 months with her by my side.

Vans was my freshman roommate, but she is so much more than that. In January 2008, I decided to move from Helaman Halls to Wyview and it was a very inspired decision. I moved in with who would become my life long best friends. Vanessa, Angela, Hailey and I were (and are) the best of friends. We even had a dorky name that we came up with to introduce ourselves for a ward skit - Kasvangailey. (and we frequently used that name together - especially adventures with Kasvangailey). I know that God directed me to live with these 3 people because each one of them has changed my life and has helped me to become the person I am today. I will forever be grateful that the Lord blessed me with these friends.

I loved living with Vanessa. She was a joy to be around. Vanessa had a contagious laugh and it was impossible to be unhappy around her. She was funny all the time. She was tall and skinny and hated having roommates who were only 5'2" (but luckily she loved us anyways!). Vanessa loved life and she loved the gospel. She was the perfect example of being a good example. She always made the right choices and she made everyone around her better. There was just something about being around Vanessa that made you want to be a better person. I am confident that she made me a better person.

Vans and I took mission prep together. She, again, was an amazing example to me. I watched her struggle with the decision to serve a mission for months, but she made the decision to serve her Lord and her God, and she did it in an amazing way. We both turned 21 around the same time, but I didn't want to serve a mission, despite the fact that I knew I was supposed to. I watched Vanessa prepare for her mission and go forward with faith, despite everything she knew she was leaving behind. She was a rock and a strength to me. Vans got called to serve in the Utica, New York Mission. I am confident that she was the best missionary the world has ever seen.

I decided to go on a mission one month after Vans left. She had a huge impact on my decision to go because I knew that if she could do it, I could do it. She was a strength to me and set an example that helped me throughout my mission. When I told her I was going on a mission, she was of course so excited. I was even more excited to tell her that I got called to her home state of Arizona. Vanessa would always write me letters of encouragement and she would always exude excitement for the work of the Lord. The best things about her letters though, was always the bright little kid stickers all over the envelope. Although we didn't serve in the same missions, I loved that we got to serve at the same time and it was something we did together.

My world turned upside down the day that I found out Vanessa died. It was a terrible day, as anyone could imagine. I could talk for days about all the things that I experienced that day and the weeks to follow, but I could sum it all up in 6 words: God is a God of Miracles. Vans death taught me that God has a plan for each of us and that there is life after death. I know that Vans helped so many people on my mission and I have experienced so many little Vanessa Miracles. Vanessa's death changed my mission and it changed my life. It was by far the hardest thing I have ever experienced, but it taught me more than anything else ever has. Even though I miss Vanessa and I always will, I am just grateful that I got to have her in my life. I am grateful that I got to be best friends with her and that she was in my life long enough to make me a better person and to change me. I love Vanessa Ann Bentley and I always will. When I think of Vanessa, all I can think about is my gratitude to my Father in Heaven for giving me the faith to know that I will see her again and my gratitude to my Savior Jesus Christ for the Atonement!

So this week I will celebrate Vans' birthday with gratitude to God for our friendship and the person that she was! I will celebrate, knowing that that is what she would want us to do and patiently wait for the joyous day when we are all reunited! Life is beautiful!

Miracles are Real

Why do I want to write a blog? I keep asking myself this question in a sarcastic kind of way and all I can say is, ‘I don’t know, I just feel like I should.’ But why do I feel like I should write a blog? I don’t know. I am just your average 24 year old, BYU college student, who really doesn’t have that interesting of a life (actually lets be honest there is nothing average about being 24 and a girl at BYU). Nonetheless here I am writing my first ever blog post…

Miracles. All week I have been thinking about miracles. I have been thinking about how much I love miracles and how grateful I am for them. So grateful, I could burst! (But instead of bursting, I will just write) The scriptures ask the thought provoking question, “Have miracles ceased?” It is an important question to ask. Do we believe that miracles are still real? Do we believe that miracles still happen like they did in the time of Christ or in the scriptures? The world would tell us that miracles aren’t real and they don’t happen any more or maybe they never happened; we can sum everything up to a coincidence or a twist of fate. But my friends, I am here to disagree. Miracles are real and they still happen, if we have faith and only just believe. We’ve all seen Prince of Egypt and have found ourselves belting out the words

There can be miracles 

When you believe 

Though hope is frail 

It's hard to kill 

Who knows what miracles

You can achieve 

When you believe

Somehow you will

You will when you believe 

I am just confident that I am not the only one who has belted out this song. But do we really believe the words? Do we really believe there can be miracles? Or has the world knocked us away from believing that something isn’t just a coincidence and it really is the hand of God working in our lives?

So why am I passionate enough about miracles to write a blog post about it and share it with the world? Because this last week I have seen God answer my prayers and the only word I could use to describe it is ‘miracle.’ And despite my desire to keep my life relatively private, I feel like I should share. Let me tell you the abbreviated version of my week… One week ago today I sat in church and I said something I should have never said… “I love trials… I am so grateful for my trials because I learn so much from them.” Now anyone who knows me well, knows that this is how I truly feel, but I think back to this moment and shake my head and say to myself "come on Kasse, you really shouldn’t say these things out loud". Well I can’t take back how I felt or what I said or the trial that followed. (Yes that is right, the trial that followed.) We all know what it is like… life is going smooth and then a rough spot rolls in and we get knocked down and have to make a choice. Do I get back up? Do I stay down and wallow for a little while? How long do I wallow for? How long can I wallow for? Do I even want to wallow? Ah the questions we ask ourselves… I know you all know exactly what I am talking about.

So last week was one of those weeks that I would like to erase. The moment came, knocked me down, and like always, I decided to pick myself up. But I am never capable of picking myself up by myself; I am just not that strong. For this very reason, I believe in miracles. I believe in miracles because all week I prayed to God for strength and I was given it. I believe in miracles because prayers are answered, life goes on and we make it through.

I believe in miracles because Friday afternoon, I sat in one of my classes, completely overwhelmed and unaware of how I was going to get everything done and how I was going to focus on school and how I was going to cross off the million and one things on my list. And that is when it happened. A miracle happened. My teacher postponed my midterm. It is something I would have normally overlooked and just thought about how I can procrastinate even longer now, but this day it was so much more than that. It was so much more that I almost even cried (tears of gratitude, of course). For me this was a miracle and it was a way that God was able to tell me that everything was going to be ok and I am not alone. The world may call it a coincidence, but I know a miracle when I see one.

 So why does this matter? Maybe it doesn’t matter to you, but it matters to me because life is amazing! Life is totally and completely wonderful and beautiful. When you are about ready to give up but you somehow roll out of bed and get going—it is a miracle! When you are running late and the light magically turns to green- it is a miracle! When you have something to do and you have no way of doing it and it mysteriously gets postponed- it is a miracle! So I say we should start calling things as they are. Lets not call something a coincidence or a twist of fate. Lets call it as it is and realize that the little daily miracles in our lives is God’s way of telling us that He is nearby and always ready to lend a helping hand.

The miracle of life is the strength that we are given to always get back up. The miracle of life is the support we are given from all sides to keep going on. The miracle of life is that God is our Father and He loves us. The miracle of life is that families are a gift from God to be our greatest strength. The miracle of life is the little things God does to show us that He is always by our side. The miracle of life is faith, hope, belief, love and joy. After all, the fact that we are here on earth is… a miracle!

It has to start somewhere...

I have never been a blogger and have never thought about writing a blog, but here I am writing one. When I was on my mission my favorite thing to do was write my family all about the miracles I was seeing every single day and sharing my joy with other people. Well I was thinking about it today and I realized that that doesn't have to end. If I loved sharing my joy on the mish, then I am sure I will still love doing it! So here I go, writing my blog to share my experiences with the world. My grammar might be wrong, my words may be made up, my stories may be confusing, but my feelings and my words will be true! Enjoy :D